Friday, January 11

Who Am I?


Probably the toughest question one can ask to oneself. Many people take it for granted that they know who they are. They're like, "Of course I know who I am. Are you kidding me?" While in fact they might find themselves at a total loss in front of questions like: What is your ultimate aim in life? How would you really wanna spend your lifetime? What's your best faculty? What could you have done differently in case you went back in time? Why are you attracted to a certain type of people? What makes you unique? Why do you believe in a certain religion? Where would you rather be most? Are you satisfied with who you are?

Knowing onself is not a matter of listing personal information. It goes way beyond that. It goes way beyond your hobbies, zodiac sign, favorite food, musical taste, or type of personality. You can never be able to tell who this person wearing your flesh truly is, without thinking deeply about certain abstractions. You need to come up with your own definition to words like: identity, life, love, faith, ambition, belief, morality, beauty, truth, reason... among others. It is perfectly fine if you decide to alter a definition that you had previously reached at one point in your life. But you have to make sure to analyse the consequences of this alteration, its new relation to other definitions, and what this reveals about you as a person at the present moment.

Before I started off on my journey of self-discovery, such ideas had never occured to me. I was merely a life drifter, a lonely sailor with only a boat and oars in the middle of an endless sea. There was no compass.. no map.. no destination in mind.. no watch.. no companion.. no knowledge of the sea.. no survival skills.. no clear notion about what a boat is or what it is for.

One can look back at this phase and reflect on it in many different ways. For example, you might think that the discovery in itself was a big achievement, bearing in mind millions of other life drifters who have never paused to find out where they are standing or where they are heading. You might think it is a curse that you have thought about such issues in first place.. You are only adding misery to misery, doubling up the misery of humanity in facing its endless dilemma. You might believe it is the best thing that could ever happen to anyone, as it opens up a totally new world of possibilities. You might think that discovery is evil by default, and that knowledge has always inflicted pain on those who sought it.. Adam, Pandora, Prometheus, Icarus, Copernicus, Galileo... only to name a few.


Yet, eventually, one can not help but realize that "knowing who you are" is indeed the best possible investment of a person's limited time on Planet Earth.


A question is like a tree, it seems.. It keeps branching in all directions. Once you start thinking about a good answer, your mind automatically tends to generate other questions instead. And you suddenly discover a very interesting chain.. Tracking it down, I found myself in front of a most splendid scene:

A Question = A Tree
An Answer = Question/s
______________________
An Answer = A Tree

An Answer = A Tree
An Answer = Knowledge
_____________________
A Tree = Knowledge

Knowledge is in fact a tree! And it is under the tree of knowledge that one can find the shade of truth and the comfort of faith. So into the garden of questions and answers I entered. It is there that I found out the answer to my question. It glittered as I moved closer, and I understood that in order to know who I am, I first gotta know where I came from. The tree of "Origin" was calling out for me.. and I went to find my way to it.

14 comments:

UNIQUE said...

it's that kind of interesting questions which cause me mean headache .

years ago as I was still young I though I know all the answers about who I am .. lately I am starting to lose that Certainty

adorable post , thank u

haneen said...

dearest ever fantasia,

Who Am I?

Wow , its really very difficult question may be I am an understood puzzle but it's hard to be understanding , so I think this poems solve it.
MY head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I reach my hands and play with pebbles of destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs reading “Keep Off.”

My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive in the universe.


Carl Sandburg (1878–1967). Chicago Poems.
best regards

على باب الله said...

who am i ?

changes everyday

in every possible way

( from some cranberries song )

--

ask a child ( who are you ? )

then ask him again in a couple of years ..

you'll get two different answers

that's because we're not mute matters , we're living creatures

everything that's growing changes

so you'll never ever get to know for sure the hard solid unchangable definition of you

you'll know it according to time

p.s. : that was me at 1/1/2008

i have no idea who will i be in 1/1/2009

but i hold some hopes and highlights though

because who knmows ?

it could be the opposite of what i am now

---

the only bad thing is when u stop

stop trying to know

and stop trying to grow

and that's bad cause you change urself from a human being into a mute nonliving matter

kinda like when you die

---

so as long as you're asking you're ok ..

---

Fantasia said...

dear unique,
thank you for the comment. i have to agree that one doesn't reach this step in life easily, or as a matter of default. some spend their whole lives, and die, without realizing who they were. but one is blessed to face the challenge that this question poses.
great to have you here.

Fantasia said...

dear haneen,
i agree. truth is very elusive. but for those who dedicate their life to it, it pays them back.. so generously.
thanks for sharing this wonderful poem.

Fantasia said...

ala bab allah,
asking is the best thing that one can spend one's lifetime doing. and i believe in what you said. one changes of course, because one grows, and learns, and unleans, and lives. your experiences leave their marks on the person you are, or the person you become. and, yes, it's all ok.

david santos said...

Hello, Fantasia.
Excellente posting.
Have a good weekend

Rania said...

every couple of months iam askin my self this question
and the strange thing that every time i've got different answer
donna wanna why
may be i always going through different circumstances , may be just feeling confused , may by , bla bla bla bla
any way
i really liked ur post
its very important question and confused in the same time

my best regards

Fantasia said...

dear rania,

thanks for your visit and for sharing your thoughts with us here. it is normal for young people to get different answers to this question every couple of months as what happens with you, the answer will never remain the same, although by time it will take longer for your definition to alter. still people grow every passing day, and this in turn gets reflected onto who they are.

it took me so long to reach the main pillars which form my personal identity and discover what this girl really wants in life, but it was worth the suffering.. having inner peace is priceless.

wishing you all the best.

Raouf said...

Who Am I?
What Am I?
Who wants to know?
What is the entity that is asking the question? Is it also "ME"?
What is the "ME" that seems so obvious yet nowhere to be found?
Am I this body that looks back in the mirror? And what if I loose an arm or a leg will that still be "ME"?
Am I the brain in that body or the thoughts in that brain?
Am I the will in those thoughts?
And is that really something that I can call "ME" or are these fleeting impressions while this body is still breathing on this earth?

Looks like you are onto something interesting ya Fantasia.
Love the questions and keep asking them.

I specially like the following quote from your previous post:
"I always felt that I was in the dark, and that there was some kind of secret which I was not allowed to know. There was no clear reason for this feeling, but it was there."
Do you know where that feeling comes from?

Also having to stand up and find your own way does not mean you are alone, in fact you are in good company of all those who seek a truth that is not shaped by men's fears and desires. We are all fellow travelers (in Arabic it is Saalek) even though we each have our own distinct path. You will find help along the way when you least expect it.

Keep up the good work.

Fantasia said...

dear raouf,

thanks for your encouragement and for the interesting questions you raised. it is one huge maze that we all have to go through once we decide to learn and know our place in this world.

i can't define exactly what created this feeling i had and how is it that i felt the urge to go and seek for truth.. there were lots of things.. and whatever they are, i shall remain grateful that they stirred doubts inside my young mind.

مين البت القمر دى said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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